Opinions Needed

So for a future blog post I want to ask some people’s opinions on a certain subject, which is kind of hard because of the whole social anxiety thing, but whatever. So if you like to give your opinion on things, feel free to be all “Yo, ask me some questions!” and I’ll do just that. 

Book Needs Title

A couple of times before I’ve mentioned a book I’ve been working on dubbed ‘Jetta’. More recently, though, I decided to restart the book (again) but instead of focusing on Jetta I’ve been giving attention to another character, Dlane. Naturally, I now call the book ‘Dlane’, instead of coming up with an actual title.

I only just started it, so it’s only about 1,400 words long (plus a 2000+ word outline for a class Dlane’s going to take). There’s a few things I have to do still before I can really get into the story, mainly more character development stuff for Cliff (out of the main four, he’s gotten the least amount of attention from me), more planning on what Earth is actually going to look like now (I might make a really crappy map for that) and just some general plot stuff.

I want to be as detailed as possible, even if some of the smaller details won’t make it in to the story. For example, obviously the entire course outline for Dlane’s class isn’t going to be in the book, but the fact that the entire thing is written out is going to make it a lot easier.

Poor Neglected Blog

Wouldn’t it be nice if I regularly updated this blog? Probably. Will I start regularly updating this blog? Probably not, but we can always hope.

Over the last 4580854308 years in which I haven’t updated my blog I have been super busy with health related fun stuff (not sure now much improvement I’ve made, but some is better than making no progress whatever) and just other random social things. Sure, this isn’t enough to fill up all of my time even if it feels like I don’t have a lot of free time, especially when going out tends to drain me of energy, making it so I don’t always want to write.

Luckily, I discovered something super recently that’s had some positive impact on how much I write. I’ve been having trouble writing lately, because I’m me and the master of procrastination. Mainly, I fell out of the habit once my laptop had the moment of not working, and it was hard getting into the habit of writing in the first place.

Okay, so, when I try to write I tend to think things like “I should write”, “I should be writing right now” and “I should stop procrastinating”. What I learned is that it’s the exact opposite of helpful.

If you’re someone with any anxiety related issues, or even if you don’t, you’ll know what I mean when I say it’s just like when someone is yelling at you to do something, and it just makes you want to do it less. My parents aren’t huge with yelling or snapping at me when I don’t want to do something instantly (well, my mom isn’t, anyway), but I still noticed that when yelled or snapped at I was less inclined to want to do something. An example being to vacuum the living room. When I stayed at my dad’s place over the summer he would ask me to vacuum the living room, and I would be all “Sure, whatever, I’ll do it in a bit.” Then I wouldn’t do it within 30 seconds and get yelled at, making my motivation level a 1 after it had been, say, a 5 (because who really wants to vacuum?).

The thing is, telling yourself that you should be doing something get the same reaction from your brain as someone yelling at you does. My brain is yelling me that I’m in danger even when I’m not, which triggers the whole fight or flight response thing, which is entirely un-motivating. How are you supposed to sit down and write when your brain is telling you to fight your own brain or run away from the situation?

What I learned is that I have to change my way of thinking so I’m not attacking my own brain with ‘should have’s and ‘should be’s. I need to think of a way to say “Hey, I should do this” without using the world ‘should’.

So how do I do this? Instead of thinking “I should be writing this”, I think “I could be writing this.” It’s just own word, but it goes from something like a chore to something that I get to do, and goes from something that I feel I should be doing to something I could do because I enjoy it. 

To be more specific, I’ve been trying to think “I could play Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 OR I could write”. “I could check Tumblr OR I could write”. “I can stare at my computer doing nothing because I’m bored OR I could write.” Things like that. And while I don’t always pick writing, I have made a lot of progress.

Before Thursday, which is when I learned all this, I was writing 0 words a day and constantly telling myself I should write something. After I tried to change my way of thinking I started working on my book, which I decided to rewrite again… and again after I got about 700 words in. I’m working on an outline of a class on of the characters are going to be in, and after that I’ll probably move on to creating some more characters.

That is all. Hope this helps someone out there. (And sorry for not editing this.)

Josh the Boyfriend

Remember Josh? I just lost all respect for him. Him and my sister broke up because he didn’t give her space when she’s the type of person who needs lots of it. Whatever, no big deal. Unfortunately, the exchange of their stuff took a while because my sister’s best friend’s mom was in the hospital so she was staying with them to help out, and today she had a migraine. (She gets them every once in a while, and went to a party last night so it’s not that much of a surprise that she got one today.)

So what does Josh do? Well, apparently he had two options. Wait a day considering he already got most of his stuff back OR call the cops. By the way, if you’re dating someone who’s entirely willing to give you your stuff back then that’s 100% not necessary and will only make you look like an ass in front of anyone, including the cops.

Seriously, I can’t even express in words how dumb that is. Is Josh not capable of acting like an adult? He could have easily waited for my sister to not be sick to come over ON HIS OWN. But, really, the cops seemed to think that he was being dumb, too. It was pretty obvious that my sister was sick, after all, with her being all pale and looking like she just dragged herself out of bed (which she did, thanks Josh). 

I was kind of wondering why a guy like Josh used a dating site in order to meet people (I met him on a dating site [I can't meet people due to the whole social anxiety thing] and he kept in contact with me until he got Shelly’s number, but I put it off), but now it’s fairly obvious why he has trouble keeping a relationship. Boo on you, Josh, you big assface.

My Mom Sucks!

My mom is such a loser. All she does is play Sudoku all day long! She never stops playing her puzzles except to play more puzzles on her computer! She calls me mean names, too, like weirdo. Sometimes she calls me a bitch, but she’s the bitch! And she also laughs at stupid things, like when I read out what I’m writing on my blog! She even laughed at that, but I’m being serious! She’s laughing even more now! She’s so rude.

This is why my mom sucks! Stop laughing mom!

Family Day

Ever since I stopped talking to a very, very toxic friend my relationship with my family has improved greatly. So, naturally, Family Day turned out really well.

Yesterday my sister (Shelly), her boyfriend (Josh) and I went to my dad’s house to give him a visit. We played a game Josh thought we would all enjoy called The Settlers of Catan, which turned out to be pretty awesome. After we played a round of that we ate a lot of food, Josh and I ended up napping while Shelly died of boredom, and then we played another round of The Settlers of Catan. Overall, great day, thought nothing really special happened.

Actually, nothing special happened but, you know, I haven’t felt like writing so I thought I might as well write something.

Anyway, today my sister and I decided to celebrate Family Day in our own way; by going to Tim Horton’s. Roll up the rim to win just started today, so naturally we wanted to go even more. Neither of us won. Actually, none of us won anything that day and I’m pretty sure there were six cups between all of us.

After the two of us hung out for a bit my boyfriend showed up (I haven’t gotten permission to use his name here, so I’ll just call him the original name of Boyfriend). Boyfriend and I played Phase 10 (I won) while Shelly wrote a speech for her thing. Then Josh showed up and we played more of The Settlers of Catan. It really is a good game. We also played Mariokart and Mario Party with our DS/3DS’s. Then Boyfriend and I ditched Josh and Shelly.

That is all.

FIV

FIV stands for ‘feline immunodeficiency virus’. I’m not going to go into much detail about it, since anyone who doesn’t know what it is can just google it. I will say, though, that FIV has no prevention shot and no cure (according to my mom). Unfortunately, three out of five cats have died due to FIV (Bruno, Tyler and then my own cat, Tobias). It’s likely that Kitten and Meimei could also get this disease and die from it, although Meimei is less likely to get it because she’s female.

Needless to say, the death of three pets have been hard on me and my motivation to write, so for now I’m not going to force myself into a whole lot of work. I might use the time to work on some more of the plot for the Jetta story (maybe come up with a name…), and then I might restart it for the third time. Or I might take it easy and just focus on my fanfiction. I’m not sure yet, and really I’m not going to worry too much about it.

Anyway, I’d just like to say a bit about each of the cats that have died.

First, Bruno. We got him when he was a tiny little kitten. My mom found him outside, and he was the smallest little guy. So small that we tried to give him milk at first, which he rejected for solid food. He was older than we thought he was, but he still had the cute little kitten tail that reminded us all of a dinosaur.

Bruno got the nickname of ‘shoulder cat’ pretty quickly, because he liked be half on someone shoulder when they held him. When he was younger he let us do pretty much anything we wanted to him, and he actually seemed to enjoy it. Mostly, dancing. We probably shouldn’t have forced him to dance, but it was hilarious.

He was adopted by our other cat, Meimei, though once he got older she didn’t want him to be around.

The next cat who died was Tyler, nicknamed Ty or TyTy. He was just a generally sweet cat, and was super shy when we got him. We got him shortly after we got Tobias. My step-dad actually took him in because no one else wanted him since he was too shy, and someone was planning on flushing him down the toilet. My step-dad is a huge sucker for cats, so naturally he took him in. Unfortunately, Tyler was so scared that he hid under his couch and wouldn’t come out, so we decided that maybe he would do better if he lived with his brother.

After my step-sister got him from under the couch (she’s the only one who could get him), her and my mom brought him to our house. Right away he was happy to see his brother, and he actually turned into one of the braver cats. He used to come over for pets all the time, and loved getting attention.

Tobias, who died just recently, was my own cat. We called him Tubby, Tubbles or TubTub, which didn’t really fit him since he was a skinny guy. He was given to me as a surprise. My mom told me that if I cleaned my room she would give me a present, and I didn’t expect that present to be small, runt of the litter kitten. I named him Tobias, after my favourite character in the Animorphs series. When he was little he was the most cuddly little guy, always sitting on my lap and sleeping in my bed.

When he was little older, though, he injured his leg in a chair, and after that he was never really the same. He became more distant, didn’t want anyone to pet him and so on. Time passed, though, and he got more comfortable with people. Anyone who entered the bathroom was instantly surrounded by him asking for pets. The only time he wanted someone to pet him was in the bathroom, probably because he was most comfortable there. He also used to go right to the litter box to pretend to go, just so he could get some praise.

I’m going to miss all three of them. Goodbye Bruno, Tyler and Tobias.

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